Discover what men really think about romantic gifts as Squire Tingle and Mistress Tingle talk about this tricky topic over a late Saturday breakfast, covering everything from sex and champagne to pigeons.
MISTRESS TWITCH: What if I buy you two tickets to go to something? I don’t have to come along.
SQUIRE TINGLE: Two tickets doesn’t really work, because you’d want to come. You’d feel left out if I didn’t take you.
MISTRESS TWITCH: I wouldn’t feel left out! It’d be fine! I’d be perfectly happy with you taking somebody else.
SQUIRE TINGLE: You wouldn’t though! You’d be gutted. You expect to be taken. In the card it would say NO PRESSURE in big capital letters. “No pressure to take me, take anyone you want”. And then I’d feel under pressure to take you, because you’d want that I’d want to take you. You’d know that you wanted to be taken. And so if I took someone else I wouldn’t be able to enjoy it because you’d be at home grumpy and you wouldn’t talk to me. And if I took you you’d get what you want and I…
MISTRESS TWITCH: …would feel grumpy.
SQUIRE TINGLE: Would feel grumpy because that’s what you’d told me to do.
MISTRESS TWITCH: Or not to do! So now you’d have to. Alright, can’t do that one. How about if I bought myself some really sexy underwear?
SQUIRE TINGLE: Yes, that would work. But that’s really a present for you, isn’t it! So I don’t get to keep it, but I get to see you wearing it…yeah that would work.
MISTRESS TWITCH: Ok, what about I take you to a show that I know you really want to see? I take you to, I don’t know… Simon Drake’s House of Magic?
SQUIRE TINGLE: Now that would be good!
MISTRESS TWITCH: That would be a good romantic gift?
SQUIRE TINGLE: I would like that yeah. Yeah very good romantic gift for me.
MISTRESS TWITCH: So why would that be really good? Just share the details of why would that be good.
SQUIRE TINGLE: It’s good because it’s something I’ve mentioned in the past that I want to see.
MISTRESS TWITCH: And that shows I’ve listened.
SQUIRE TINGLE: It shows you’ve listened. But now you’ve told me about it, it’s kind of ruined the surprise.
MISTRESS TWITCH: Dammit!
SQUIRE TINGLE: But that’s a good idea.
MISTRESS TWITCH: Ok, what about if we…
SQUIRE TINGLE: Now you’ve got to come up with 5 more good ideas to hope to confuse me that that’s not what you’re going to give me.
MISTRESS TWITCH: It’s difficult being a girl.
SQUIRE TINGLE: It’s easier as a man because we can simply buy women chocolates and roses. No wonder that’s why you always get those. Buying a romantic gifts for men is much more tricky.
MISTRESS TWITCH: Well I want my roses. And I liked my champagne it was good. It was easy and it gave me this warm fussy feeling.
SQUIRE TINGLE: Exactly. But even though you like receiving chocolates and roses, you can over do it. You see if you got those every day of the week the effect would wear off.
MISTRESS TWITCH: Would it!?
SQUIRE TINGLE: It would. I know you think it wouldn’t, but it would.
MISTRESS TWITCH: I love my champagne and roses. I’m not sure champagne wears off. It doesn’t make me fat either!
SQUIRE TINGLE: Hmm.
MISTRESS TWITCH: You guys get away with it so much more easily. We girls are really simple to please. For men it’s got to be new, it’s got to be exciting, it’s got to be cool. You have to know that I like it.
SQUIRE TINGLE: What do you mean YOU’VE got to like it!? You don’t have to like it. You can stay at home!
MISTRESS TWITCH: No we’ve had that conversation already. Apparently I do have to come!
SQUIRE TINGLE: You could just give me one ticket. That would solve the problem.
MISTRESS TWITCH: Solve the problem!? Does that mean you WOULD want to do something on your own??
SQUIRE TINGLE: –
MISTRESS TWITCH: What about chocolates and roses as romantic gifts for men?
SQUIRE TINGLE: NO. A) They’re feminine, and B) I wouldn’t want them. Flowers are just too dull.
MISTRESS TWITCH: And chocolates?
SQUIRE TINGLE: No it’s very, very womanly. It’s what you give a woman.
MISTRESS TWITCH: And champagne?
SQUIRE TINGLE: Well, I don’t like champagne. In general I don’t think men would appreciate it no.
MISTRESS TWITCH: A bottle of vodka? That toffee vodka we bought was delicious.
SQUIRE TINGLE: Again, an expensive bottle for someone who loves it would be a nice gift. Don’t just get them a tiny bottle of Smirnoff!
MISTRESS TWITCH: A Bottle of wine from the year of your birth?
SQUIRE TINGLE: Yeah, if they’re a wine fanatic. If they drink a lot of wine then that would be an amazing gift.
MISTRESS TWITCH: Ok, now we’re getting somewhere. What about a piece of art, like a painting or photography?
SQUIRE TINGLE: Great idea. But, you’d have to know their tastes. With art you can get it horribly wrong. And if you get it wrong your ‘delightful’ gift would be hung in the basement.
MISTRESS TWITCH: And you’d be dumped!
SQUIRE TINGLE: True. But if you get it right, then you’d might have a nice bit of art to go up in the bedroom.
MISTRESS TWITCH: Ok. What about some erotic artwork? Like me naked. Or not quite naked. So tasteful but still naughty.
SQUIRE TINGLE: Yes, yes yes. Very sexy.
MISTRESS TWITCH: And that gift really appeals because it’s sexy?
SQUIRE TINGLE: It appeals because you have thought about what a man likes. It would show you’re a sexy woman and you are comfortable with that, which is a big turn on for men. Obviously they like the, ahem, ‘physical aspects’ of you. It would remind them of you when you weren’t around. But I think it is more the fact that a lot of men see women as not sexually liberated and very hesitant of revealing their sexuality. So if they gave me an erotic photography starring them you’d know that they felt comfortable with it and that’s huge a turn on.
MISTRESS TWITCH: So it is. Just thinking about it has turned you on, hasn’t it?
ST : Mmm… Yes.
MISTRESS TWITCH: Naughty! What about an experience gift. So I take you to a cooking lesson where we cook our meal together. We could go to L’Ateier des Chefs.
SQUIRE TINGLE: Unless the guy’s really into cooking, that is a little bit soppy. It’s like the two ticket thing. That would be something that you’d plan together and do together, not necessarily a present for him. If you man’s interested in cooking then it’d be great. For an experience to work it should be a more manly activity or something you knew they were very interested in.
MISTRESS TWITCH: What about a treat like a night in a top London spa hotel for a night?
SQUIRE TINGLE: Yes. Very romantic.
MISTRESS TWITCH: Yes? And why is that?
SQUIRE TINGLE: That works because there’s sex involved!
MISTRESS TWITCH: <laughs>
SQUIRE TINGLE: One hopes…
MISTRESS TWITCH: There’s a theme here, isn’t there?
SQUIRE TINGLE: Yup, there’s a theme!
MISTRESS TWITCH: For men it really is just about sex.
SQUIRE TINGLE: Sort of. For a woman that gift would be special because she would enjoy the spa, the quality time spent with their man, the romantic candlelit dinner and the conversation. The man would be thinking to himself “Enough already! Can we please go have sex now!?”.
MISTRESS TWITCH: Are you generalising about all men here based on your experience?
SQUIRE TINGLE: Yeah. But I’m pretty sure that’s how they all feel. The build up is something you have to do otherwise you won’t get sex! I have to do this for my girl and she doesn’t even realise that I’m putting in all this effort for them, even though they’re the one supposed to be treating me!
MISTRESS TWITCH: What about your friend’s idea that I should just go away and leave you alone for the whole weekend so you don’t have to hear me go yabba yabba yabba.
SQUIRE TINGLE: Yes that’s good. A little bit of peace and quiet. As long as you didn’t call me everyday while you were away.
MISTRESS TWITCH: To tell you about what my mum had for dinner.
SQUIRE TINGLE: To tell me about what you had done during the day and asking what I’ve done.
MISTRESS TWITCH: The answer would be nothing.
SQUIRE TINGLE: Yup!
MISTRESS TWITCH: I know the perfect present for you. I could take you clay pigeon shooting.
SQUIRE TINGLE: Brilliant.
MISTRESS TWITCH: Two tickets? One for you… and one for a friend … or one for…
SQUIRE TINGLE: One for me and one for a pigeon. You can stand in the firing range. I’ll put some feathers on you.
MISTRESS TWITCH: No way.
SQUIRE TINGLE: You could stand there and wiggle your bottom about.
MISTRESS TWITCH: Don’t shoot me!
SQUIRE TINGLE: Course I wouldn’t do that to you. Too much of an easy target anyway…
MISTRESS TWITCH: Are you calling me fat!?
SQUIRE TINGLE: No…
(pause)
MISTRESS TWITCH: Just bigger than a pigeon!
SQUIRE TINGLE: Bigger than a pigeon!
MISTRESS TWITCH: Would you rather two tickets so you could take a friend, or for you and me, or just for you?
SQUIRE TINGLE: I don’t think two tickets works. If the guys got a lot of male friends then it might work, but even then two tickets brings up romantic connotations.
MISTRESS TWITCH: Yeah. You can’t really go on a Man Date.
SQUIRE TINGLE: I think with four tickets you could invite male friends.
MISTRESS TWITCH: Ok.
SQUIRE TINGLE: You can’t have a Man Date so with just two tickets you’d have to invite a women. But you couldn’t invite any other women apart from your girlfriend or partner for obvious reasons.
MISTRESS TWITCH: So it sounds generous but it isn’t really.
SQUIRE TINGLE: Yes. But you get to share it with your partner so it can be fun. It’s a good a idea if you know it’s something they’re interested in.
MISTRESS TWITCH: I guess for a different guy that could be a football match, or rugby match, or music concert, or a day at the races.
SQUIRE TINGLE: Absolutely. Notice that most of the gift ideas for men aren’t romantic. Well they are romantic, but not romantic in themselves.
MISTRESS TWITCH: But they’re about knowing your guy. Knowing what he likes.
SQUIRE TINGLE: Yeah, which is a turn on and which IS romantic. The things girls like, and again this is a big generalisation, have romantic connotations. You might see them in films, like a candlelit dinner. It’s always got this romantic atmosphere surrounding it. Roses, flowers, a walk in the park.
MISTRESS TWITCH: Mmm… (begins daydreaming)
SQUIRE TINGLE: Again, I’m not saying some women would not love clay pigeon shooting, but I talking in general here. When choosing a gift for a man you have to think about what he’d like rather than what is romantic.
MISTRESS TWITCH: I guess the difference there is that fundamentally women like anything as long as it involves spending time with their man and the conversation. So it’s not the roses, the chocolates, the dinner or the champagne we like. It’s that you’re going to have to sit there chatting while we drink it! It’s about the time…
SQUIRE TINGLE: and the thought?
MISTRESS TWITCH: and the thought, yeah. For us the focus is really on the conversation and enjoyment of being together. For men the focus is mainly on the enjoyment of the activity.
SQUIRE TINGLE: Spot on. I think for us it’s more about the act of the activity and the afterthought is how wonderful it is that my girlfriend gave me that experience. Whereas for a women the first thought is that my partner is thinking about me and he loves me.
MISTRESS TWITCH: And he’s treating me and I feel special.
SQUIRE TINGLE: If you get flowers to the workplace then everyone else can see that you’ve got them and that makes her feel special. The gift is the secondary concern, whereas for men the gift is the first concern. The feelings come afterwords.
MISTRESS TWITCH: Fantastic. Glad we got that one cleared up!
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
heh
i liked this one
Really good post and very well thought through, love it!